Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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