god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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