Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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