My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude. I can hear the air.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize