my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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