My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
