Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
