just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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