Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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