Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
