If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
