my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
