I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
