What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize