there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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