I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
