my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
