my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
