i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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