If that was your dad, he is hot
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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