Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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