I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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