I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
how does that bad decision feel?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
