Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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