I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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