He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
