we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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