i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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