then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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