so that wasnt chicken after all
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize