Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
