Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize