i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
