i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
