Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize