I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize