is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
