a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
