I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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