wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We're too hungover to prance.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
