Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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