How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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