So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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