ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
