I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
