At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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