if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
