oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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