brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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