apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
