i jhust puked up my retainher.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
