I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
