i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
