i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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