how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just pee around me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
