More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
