Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
