today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
