Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
