my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
