Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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