Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
