we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
