That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
