Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
