Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
