Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
