i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize