Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
