guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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