i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
