I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
