I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
