I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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