see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize