i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
