I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
