Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
