I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
