He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
