Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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