I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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