you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize