She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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