This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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