why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
