well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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