the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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