We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need water and some morals
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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